The worst week of my life

LoveIt has been the worst week of my life.

It’s been a week since my brother took his own life.

For years he battled with addiction and alcoholism. Earlier this year he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression. In hindsight it makes sense, his issues with addiction, with alcoholism.

Many people with bipolar and depression self-medicate, using alcohol and/or drugs to level out or elevate their mood.

They wear the mask of a clown around people so they see only the smile they painted on while underneath they are breaking inside.

My brother was more than a little broken. But he had a beautiful heart.

There are things he has done and said in recent months that I know were not him. It were his addiction, his depression and it was the bipolar.

He felt alone in so many ways. But he wasn’t.

If you’re one of the people who suffer from mental illness, please know you’re not alone. You have people who care. Whether I know you or not, I care.

6 Replies to “The worst week of my life”

  1. Oh Shiloh. I am so so very sorry. And While I know it probably sounds trite I hope he finds the peace that eluded him. And I pray that you and your family can find peace and healing as well. I’m thinking of you.

  2. I’m so, so very sorry. My condolences and love to you and yours. You’ve been in my thoughts <3
    I'm serious when I say let me know if there's anything I can do to help. Email, text, call – if you want need to talk or just need to vent.

  3. About 14 years ago I lost my brother to suicide as well. We had different mothers and his mother had been schizophrenic. At the time of his death he had a great job a fiancee who he adored and who adored him. Two sisters who loved him completely it was out of the blue. He had some time a couple of years prior that things were bad but they seemed great when it happened. We were all blindsided. I was home in Australia visiting my family when it happened. I live in America at present so it just was like a hammer to the head and the heart. I loved Tony dearly and I can only imagine what you are feeling. I know the pain is incredibly deep when it happens and you hope that the pain will fade in time. There are days that it hurts a little less but there are other days where it hurts just as much as the day he died. I wish I could take your pain away. Since no one knew that Tony was in crisis we can only speculate that perhaps he had begun seeing symptoms of schizophrenia. His mother had begun to show symptoms in her early 20’s , Tony was in his 30’s so that is not a common age unless he had been seeing signs for awhile. Our fear is that he had been hiding it and felt it was manifesting to the point that everyone would know and he felt hopeless, helpless. It breaks my heart that he might have felt that way and we were not there to help him. His heart was as big as all outdoors. He was loved with mighty hearts and minds and is missed every single day. If I prayed I would pray for you but since I am more of a spiritualist than a religious person I will put out to the universe all the love and support that I can give. My heart is with you.

  4. I am so sorry. It will never make sense. Take care of yorself first, then your family, but don’t try to understand., because you will try to explain it, and you just can’t.

  5. I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a family member to suicide. My sincere condolences.

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