First, I’ve got some of the best readers in the entire world. Yes, I’ve sent your comments, I’ve gotten messages via facebook.
I’ve gotten emails.
I’ve gotten comments from some friends on twitter.
Right now, no, I’m not fine, but I’ll figure it out. I’m mostly already on the way there. I just…I don’t want to talk to people right now.
I had already figured out what I needed to do Saturday afternoon and I’d spoken with my parents. Yesterday, the idea was more clear. Some other things finally clarified, too. My brother is sick, yes. But he’s also just plain mean and he’s not the kid I loved and wanted to protect. You can’t protect somebody who doesn’t want it, won’t allow it. So I’m stepping away. Completely, fully. And I feel better. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing you can’t help somebody you love, but at the same time, it’s a necessary one.
I’m posting this part mainly because I know other people out there are dealing, have dealt or will deal with it.
And it’s okay to step away. You can’t make somebody accept help, or even accept your love. It’s okay to let go. Sometimes, it’s even necessary.
Now I just have to come to grips with it and try to…I don’t know…grieve, I guess. It’s weird grieving somebody who is still here, but isn’t here. But that’s okay, too. The man he used to be is gone, or he’s just so lost, he might as well be.
I’m stepping back from social media for a while. I’m going to focus on writing, on me, on my family. I might blog. I might not. I doubt I’ll respond to personal messages when I do log back on, mainly because I just to deal with this in my own way, then let it go.
But I’ve seen your comments, your messages. It means a lot.