Some people think I'm shy


I think I probably even get how it started.

One…I hate pictures.  Is this a shyness thing?  Nope.  I just hate how I look in them, plus, flashes tend to set off my migraines, and I also have some weird privacy quirks-small town, kids, I prefer to my life and business just that…my business.  But it’s not because I’m shy.

Tw0…and this is my dark, ugly secret.

I’m hot tempered. Very much so.  Very much so.  However, I’m also very ‘me’ centric and I realize that when I let my temper get the better of me, it’s not the best thing for my career.  ;o)  I also can say it’s entirely ‘me’ centric-my family pretty much drives my major, and even a lot of my minor, decisions-if I do something stupid that screws with my career, well… I help to provide for my kids through my career. So stupid crap affects them.  Stupid crap affects my family. Stupid crap affects my marriage.  There’s enough stupid crap that does this that I can’t control-the stuff that I can control?  Yep, I’m controlling it.

Thus… I don’t let myself get stupid, which means I have to tone down the stupid crap, which means…I have to watch my hot-tempered nature.  What does this translate to?

Online…well, weirdly enough, I’ve developed something of a diplomatic reputation and that really wasn’t all that hard-maybe it seems that way, but if you think about, there is almost always two sides (at least) to every story and I’m the nosy type who has always wanted to know all sides, and I just tend to make make myself consider all sides before I speak.  Online, it’s easy, because I make myself think before I hit send or enter.

Not as easy in person and this is why I often hang around on the sidelines.  Not just because I expect to go around get ticked off, but that hot-headed nature also means I’m one of those people who very often will say whatever comes to mind…I’m one of those people you do not ask for an honest opinion unless you really want to hear it, because I don’t tend to sugarcoat things.  Although I have learned tact and diplomacy even in public lately, because it just serves me better-yep, it is all about me, but frankly, I’m not one for making myself look like a complete and utter ass, soooo, well, I’m good with being all about me in this instance.  I have gotten better about watching myself in public and lately I am more likely to talk, and…gasp…engage in conversation, but because I was more likely to stand on the sidelines, on hang in smaller groups, I figure this is where I got the rep for being shy.

I’m not.  Really.  I just know that sometimes my mouth can get me into trouble.  😉  So I make myself my own moderator… I don’t say things I don’t mean, and I’m pretty good about saying the things I do mean, even the dicier things-I’ve just learned how to say them.  Because delivery can make all the difference in the world.