{"id":32561,"date":"2013-09-07T08:00:06","date_gmt":"2013-09-07T12:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shilohwalker.com\/website\/?p=32561"},"modified":"2013-09-06T21:40:50","modified_gmt":"2013-09-07T01:40:50","slug":"from-broke-blade-in-the-doghouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shilohwalker.com\/website\/2013\/09\/from-broke-blade-in-the-doghouse\/","title":{"rendered":"From Broke Blade… in the doghouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"BrokenBlade72<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cGo ahead.\u201d Shoving away from the shower, he came closer. Violence, danger and anger radiated from him and fear pulsed inside me, despite the fact that I knew<\/i>, deep inside, that he wouldn\u2019t hurt me. Damon was one of the few people who was<\/i> safe.<\/p>\n

Too bad my body didn\u2019t get that message.<\/p>\n

He reached up and my breath froze in my lungs as he slid a hand inside my vest. The back of his hand brushed against my breast and the black band of terror grabbed me, held tight.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re so fucking afraid now, Kit,\u201d he whispered, dipping his head to murmur into my ear. \u201cIt\u2019s killing me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then he lifted his head and reached down. He caught my left hand and pushed one of my knives into it. \u201cBloody me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I jerked my hand away\u2014or I tried<\/i>. He still held my wrist and he wasn\u2019t letting go.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a silver blade, you son of a bitch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d He guided my blade to his chest, his grip relentless. \u201cBloody me. I\u2019d feel better for it. And if it would do something to take that fear away…\u201d A muscle pulsed in his jaw and he was standing close enough, I could hear the thunderous sound of his heart, racing far too fast. I didn\u2019t have ears as sensitive as his\u2014if he\u2019d been standing any farther away, I couldn\u2019t have heard it. As it was, though, the roar of blood in my ears, the racing of his heart, the adrenaline crashing inside me and the torment I saw on his face…the torment I felt in me<\/i>…it was too much. \u201cSam\u2019s not the only one who owes you blood, baby girl.\u201d<\/p>\n

Once more, I tried to twist out of his grip. \u201cDamn it, let go<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Swearing, he dropped my wrist. I put the knife away and darted toward the door.<\/p>\n

He slammed it shut before I managed to get it open an inch.<\/p>\n

\u201cKit…\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t, okay?\u201d I leaned my brow against the wood and closed my eyes. \u201cI need to get out of here. I need to breathe. I need to…\u201d<\/p>\n

His fingers brushed across my shoulder and he pressed his head to the back of mine. \u201cI miss you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tears burned my eyes and although it didn\u2019t seem possible, the ache in my heart spread.<\/p>\n

I really, really wish that what I\u2019d told Chang was true. That the woman I\u2019d been was dead and gone, that nothing of my old life mattered. If I could believe<\/i> that, then it wouldn\u2019t hurt so much to stand there.<\/p>\n

But I wasn\u2019t going to make myself better, or stronger, or fight my way out of this hell I currently lived in if I kept lying to myself. About anything. \u201cI miss you, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

He reached up, resting a hand on my hip.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut that doesn\u2019t mean anything,\u201d I told him. \u201cNot if I can\u2019t find me<\/i> again. I\u2019m still lost, Damon. I have to find who I am…I have to find my way again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Easing around, I stared into his eyes. Close. He was so close.<\/p>\n

And even though I knew<\/i> he wouldn\u2019t hurt me, the fear was there. He went to pull back and I surprised us both by reaching up and fisting my hands in his shirt, holding him there.<\/p>\n

His eyes widened and he stilled, stayed there, one arm braced on the wall by my head while his hand rested on my hip. I could handle this, I decided. The fear was there, but I couldn\u2019t expect that to go away so easily. And\u2026hell. It was Damon. Just having him this close had my heart racing and not all<\/i> of it had to do with fearful things.<\/p>\n

Curious, I placed my hand to his chest and as his heart slammed against my palm, I felt the way my own sped up in answer.<\/p>\n

I did miss this\u2026even when it wasn\u2019t a spur of the moment kiss. I missed this. I missed us.<\/p>\n

But I wasn\u2019t ready.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat day, up in the mountains,\u201d I said quietly. \u201cI told you that I was broken…so far from me that I didn\u2019t think I\u2019d ever find my way back.\u201d<\/p>\n

A harsh, ragged breath escaped him. \u201cI know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou told me you\u2019d find it for me.\u201d The heat of him scalded me, even as it warmed me. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to hear it then…and I can\u2019t be sorry for that. I can\u2019t let somebody find my way for<\/i> me. I just can\u2019t. I\u2019ve got to do it for myself. But I\u2019m trying. Okay?\u201d<\/p>\n

He stroked a hand down my hair. \u201cI told you\u2026I\u2019ll be waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt may never happen.\u201d Turning my face into his hand, I kissed his rough palm. It hurt more than a little as I pushed him away. \u201cYou have to understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was quiet as he stepped back.<\/p>\n

Just before I slipped out the door, he asked softly, \u201cDo you want <\/i>it to happen?\u201d<\/p>\n

The question stopped me in my tracks and I looked back at him. \u201cDo I want what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUs. This.\u201d Those eyes watched me, so carefully. \u201cI\u2019ll wait. Forever. It doesn\u2019t matter how long. But is that what you want from me? Are you coming back to me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026\u201d I licked my lips and shook my head. It shouldn\u2019t be such a hard question. \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

He smiled sadly, looking away. \u201cThat\u2019s fine. Like I said. I\u2019ll be waiting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more…\u00a0Broken Blade<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

iBooks<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0BN<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Amazon<\/a>\u00a0|\u00a0Kobo<\/a><\/p>\n

Lauren Dane<\/a>
\nCaris Roane<\/a>
\nEliza Gayle<\/a>
\nLissa Matthews<\/a>
\nMcKenna Jeffries<\/a>
\nTaige Crenshaw<\/a>
\nDelilah Devlin<\/a>
\nHelenKay Dimon<\/a>
\nMyla Jackson<\/a>
\nTJ Michaels<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cGo ahead.\u201d Shoving away from the shower, he came closer. Violence, danger and anger radiated from him and fear pulsed inside me, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":30657,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10161045129738658_54762468447":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32561","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-saturday-snippets"],"yoast_head":"\nFrom Broke Blade... in the doghouse - Shiloh Walker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shilohwalker.com\/website\/2013\/09\/from-broke-blade-in-the-doghouse\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From Broke Blade... in the doghouse - Shiloh Walker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cGo ahead.\u201d Shoving away from the shower, he came closer. 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