{"id":14698,"date":"2010-11-29T00:12:46","date_gmt":"2010-11-29T05:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.shilohwalker.com\/website\/?p=14698"},"modified":"2010-11-29T00:35:05","modified_gmt":"2010-11-29T05:35:05","slug":"maybe-its-just-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shilohwalker.com\/website\/2010\/11\/maybe-its-just-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Maybe it’s just me"},"content":{"rendered":"

But when you’ve actually sat there and watched somebody actually die<\/em>…as in held their hand, watched the life fade from their eyes, watched the monitor go still as their heartbeat stops some things don’t seem quite as important.<\/p>\n

It’s things like politics.\u00a0 It’s like the differences all humans are going to have.\u00a0 It’s even things like their shallow and petty nastiness, because one thing you see that you hadn’t expected…?\u00a0 Their family.\u00a0 They suffer.\u00a0 They hadn’t necessarily done anything wrong, and they suffer.\u00a0 They grieve and they hurt and they mourn.<\/p>\n

And regardless…people screw up.\u00a0 We all do it.\u00a0 And we also all die.<\/p>\n

These are two things we all have in common-we will all<\/em> make mistakes in this life…and we will all<\/em> die.<\/p>\n

Yes…I’ve watched it.\u00a0 When I did the nursing home circuit and held the hands of people, it never once occurred to me to wonder… what are their politics…what is their religion….how did they vote…what do they think right now, what do they feel….
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

What mattered was that they were a person… who was dying–leaving this world, and passing to the next.<\/p>\n

What matters to me, about life, is that –life is precious.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes.\u00a0 I’m a nurse. And yes, I’ve watched people suffer.\u00a0 Yes, I’ve seen more people die than some.<\/p>\n

But you know what?\u00a0 That shouldn’t matter.\u00a0 We’ve all lost people in life, right?\u00a0 That should tell you one simple thing-that person mattered<\/strong>…to us<\/em>.\u00a0 Basic empathy should tell us this…most people matter to somebody<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So… don’t hand out some empty piece of shit-and I don’t care who it’s for–Obama, Palin, Beck (and I’m so disconnected, I don’t even know who in the hell he (beck) is nor do I care<\/strong>) <\/em>even that idiot Ph*lps who runs that church in Kansas….talking about striking people dead, or what-not.\u00a0 You do it, then be prepared for me to call it ugly-because that’s what it is.\u00a0 Wishing death on people is ugly.<\/p>\n

PERIOD.\u00a0 Yes, this is my opinion, but hey, it’s my blog, and I’m allowed to my opinion.<\/p>\n

Am I maybe oversensitive to this?<\/p>\n

Possibly.\u00a0 I’ll take into consideration that I’ve lost about four friends recently.\u00a0 Yes, four… I hadn’t gone into detail about the deaths of a few others online, because frankly, it depresses me.<\/p>\n

Since I consider life to be precious-let’s examine why<\/em>…I’ve seen…oh, well, not examining the patients I’ve lost, because I can’t go into detail about that without breaking down-but the numbers there<\/em>…it’s in the dozens just over a few years.\u00a0 We won’t take into consideration the fact that I did pediatrics <\/em>for the latter half of my career before I quit to focus on writing. Although, hey… I did office work–pediatrics.\u00a0 We don’t tend to see a lot of deaths.<\/p>\n

So lets talk friends.\u00a0 Just in the past 18 months, I’ve buried about six friends-people I’ve known since I was in grade school, and it’s brutal.\u00a0 Two of the ladies were like grandmothers …and had been ever since mine died when I was grade school.\u00a0 About a month ago, I had to bury a guy who was like a grandfather, which, I guess, in the end, it was a blessing in disguise-I never had a real one that I can recall-not one I could on, by blood, at least–it’s nice to look back and connect memories to this guy.\u00a0 Two weeks after he died, his daughter died… and that almost gutted me.\u00a0 I can’t even begin to tell you what that<\/em> is doing to me.<\/p>\n

And do you really think I care<\/em> what her politics are?<\/p>\n

Do I know their politics?\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 Do I care?\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Well… they were people.<\/p>\n

In the end<\/em>, that’s what matters.<\/p>\n

They were people.\u00a0 Naturally, these<\/em> people mattered to me because I knew<\/em> them.\u00a0 Loved them… I’m still grieving over them, and yes, I’m still mourning and probably more sensitive than I normally would be.<\/p>\n

But whether I was mourning or not?\u00a0 Flippant remarks over a person’s life or lack of have always pissed me off.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 People are entitled to make them.\u00a0 And I’m entitled to be irritated about them.<\/p>\n

Even the people who run their mouths and annoy the snot<\/em> out of me?<\/p>\n

You know what?<\/p>\n

They are still people.<\/p>\n

I won’t wish death on them.<\/p>\n

It doesn’t matter <\/em>I believe somebody is up there to deliver, not in my opinion.<\/p>\n

Why…?<\/p>\n

Because, in the end, if I’m wishing death…it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t believe…if I’m wishing death, I’m already doing something unspeakable, because the way I see it…wishing death on anybody is<\/em> something unspeakable.<\/p>\n

Life is precious.<\/p>\n

Whether you like a person or not, that person probably matters<\/em> to somebody.\u00a0 Even if it’s just their own family.\u00a0 If they disappeared–they’d leave a mark.\u00a0 A scar.\u00a0 Regardless of their politics, there would be wounds.<\/p>\n

I’ve watched people die.\u00a0 I’ve comforted those left behind.\u00a0 I’ve held their hands.\u00a0 More times than I care to count.\u00a0 Yes, I made that choice when I went into the medical field.\u00a0 But you know what? I did that because I consider life to be precious-and because I consider life to precious, I’ll say this…<\/p>\n

I don’t care what the hell your politics, your rationale, your reason, your whatever the hell is–unless you’ve watched people die and comforted those left behind?<\/em><\/p>\n

Do me a favor.\u00a0 Don’t give me some trite, empty, bull-shit excuse when you say crap-all shit about striking anybody dead<\/strong>.\u00a0 And fyi… this has nothing to do with politics.<\/em> And everything to do with life.<\/p>\n

And before you try to tell me that you’re entitled to wish whatever in the hell you want… here’s an exchange-you watch somebody die.\u00a0 Sit there and watch it<\/em>, be there for those left behind<\/strong> and then come talk to me.<\/p>\n

After that?\u00a0 Maybe we can talk.<\/p>\n

And because I’m not in the mood to discuss this kind of ugliness?\u00a0 Comments closed.<\/p>\n

**Anybody wondering why I’m so combative… yes, this was inspired by an offhand comment made-perhaps it was casual, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be “i wish this person was dead…” but I’ve seen too many <\/em>people die, and I’ve had too much death in my life lately to take that kind of nastiness lightly-I don’t care who it’s regarding-it doesn’t matter if I like<\/em> the person or not.\u00a0 Hell, I don’t even care if I know <\/em>the person or not.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

But when you’ve actually sat there and watched somebody actually die…as in held their hand, watched the life fade from their eyes, watched the monitor “Maybe it’s just me”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":14590,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"rop_custom_images_group":[],"rop_custom_messages_group":[],"rop_publish_now":"initial","rop_publish_now_accounts":{"facebook_10161045129738658_54762468447":""},"rop_publish_now_history":[],"rop_publish_now_status":"pending","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_bluesky_dont_syndicate":"","_bluesky_syndication_accounts":"","_bluesky_syndication_text":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14698","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ponderings"],"yoast_head":"\nMaybe it's just me - 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