Spam me, and I reserve the right to mock you.
Which I’ll do. I got this in my email…seriously. I added my thoughts in bold.
- Requires five years customer service experience or two years general office experience …well. I do work in my office. Sometimes in my jammies. Or yoga pants. Does that count?
- A strong work ethic and positive attitude … a positive attitude? Clearly you don’t know who you’re talking to.
- Wide Inter-personal skills, organization skills, strong analytical ability … um… or gan izah shun…you got me. I’ve no idea what this word means. Let me go google–ack! MY EYES… MY EYES!
- Must have experience, confidence, and ability to conduct security briefings and interviews when required … can I record these briefings and post them to youtube?
- Must have experience executing vendor contracts and price negotiation skills … so check. The vendors get the highest costs they want. They got families. Right?
- Knowledge of word processing, database, and spreadsheet software … well. I can help you with the word processing thing, but to the rest, you’re on your own.
- No drug misdemeanors within the past 5 years and ability to pass a drug screen … but if I’ve got a drunk driving record or broke into the bank across the way, that’s all good, right?